October 2022

My Franck Tattoo

I  had decided to get a tattoo to mark the end of my time taking citalopram and the end of my time as a teacher. 

This was how I announced it on twitter after one of my friends on facebook sent a picture of it to the son of Franck Haise... that sent the internet slightly warm...

It didn't take long for the news to spread as the photo of my arm was shared and commented upon by all and sundry. Most of the comments and reactions were positive although there were those who didn't approve but then that's the nature of the internet. Although, Franck's son gave me a nice message after I explained the reasons behind the tattoo, I decided to put out the following post to explain my reasons to the world....

It's about depression...

This is hard for me to write but first off: I've got a tattoo. I decided to get it to mark the end of seven years (maybe more) when I haven't felt like the person I've wanted to be. My work has been a massive part of my life but a source of worry and self-doubt. I have also had so many great moments and worked with so many wonderful people (you know who you are). Howevewr, changing it after 31 years was the first stage of my journey to becoming a better person: more supportive to my amazing family and someone so much happier than my past self. The next step was to stop the Citalopram that had numbed me to my extremes of emotion: good and bad. Over the years, I've grown used to seeing life in grey and the colour has faded. I want the flashes of colour I have experienced to push out those greys and allow them to be the influence on my view of life. Whatever happens around us, there are many things that we can forget to appreciate, allowing them to get swallowed up by the general malaise that depression can force upon us. If anyone could want a better role model it would be my wife, Odessa. She's been a rock to me, encouraging me to take that first big step and putting up with my emotions that have begun to ping back and forth with a greater frequency since I reduced my dosage to zero. So why the tattoo? My trips to Lens have been an escape from my everyday worries (and believe me I worry about so many stupid and unnecessary things!). During trips, I would still miss the family but I felt I couldn't do them any more harm when I was away (mostly). Hence the club badge. The man is the current manager of Lens, Franck Haise, who has been a role model for this middle-aged man. A positive, calming and supportive figure on the touchline, he has managed the team to great heights that nobody thought possible and boosted the pride of a town that was in the doldrums. Every player he has managed has spoken of him in glowing terms. What better way to think of your ex-boss? This tattoo will be a reminder that my dark, medicated days can eventually emerge into light and colour. Despite the withdrawal weeks being difficult, the brainzaps are becoming less frequent and the lows are nowhere near as low: the light at the end of the tunnel is growing in colour. I know I am lucky to have a fabulous family who can make me laugh, cry and keep going in the darkest of days but for those people who don't, all I can say is keep going: there are people out there who can help. Give them a go: https://www.rethink.org/help-in-your-area/support-groups/ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/online-support-groups-helped-me-when-no-one-else-was-there-for-me/ Don't be afraid to reach out and thanks for reading.

If my post was able to help one person, it would have all been worth it.